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Adopt an atheist auction

Greg Laden is reporting that the Catholic League of America is calling for Catholics to adopt an atheist. I think this is an excellent idea! In fact, I think it should be expanded.

Every religion should compete to adopt atheists. I think that I will allow whichever believer offers me the greatest financial incentive to adopt me, so start sending in them bids, guys. Offers start at $10,000AUS. Mormons? $cientologists? Babtists? Come on folks, let’s see you put you money where your prayers are…

25 Comments

  1. Probably not the Mormons. Have you seen how much it costs to package and ship a philosopher from Down Under to Utah?

    • Actually yes, because I have done it a couple of times before. But I don’t want them to actually make contact. Just send me the money, and I will return a certificate of adoption to them.

      • Too late. I’m afraid your continent may already be infected.

        • Well yes, but we don’t need to practice unsafe social epidemiology just because there is already a reservoir of pathogens loose in the population.

  2. Rob R. Rob R.

    Wait, you? But, you’re an agnostic! There’s a difference… atleast I’m pretty sure I read that somewhere. *scratches head*

    • I was wondering when somebody would make that point. As I have always said, from the viewpoint of a Christian, I reject the idea of any god they might care about, so that makes me atheist from their perspective…

      • Rob R. Rob R.

        Nice cop-out, I know times are tough but, scheesh. They/we should get like half price then and regular calls and visits… we’re going to be family after all. I’m assuming here that the AUS is like pesos or somesuch so we’re only really talking about like twenty bucks. amirite?

      • Jeff Sherry Jeff Sherry

        I don’t know John, but it seems you’re pulling a Romney on your past posts.

        As an update it appears the Catholic League has pulled the plug on the Adopt An Atheist program, making claims it was a joke.

        • John S. Wilkins John S. Wilkins

          Feel free to show me the past statement I have here contradicted.

          And yes, it was a joke, but at their expense.

      • Brian Brian

        John S. Wilkins:
        I was wondering when somebody would make that point. As I have always said, from the viewpoint of a Christian, I reject the idea of any god they might care about, so that makes me atheist from their perspective…

        Which is why so many atheists have gotten so het up with you and you’ve savoured every nanosecond of it I wager. You know they’re talking about rejecting God’s that Xtians would care about, not Baal or Zeus or whatever god hasn’t impinged on freedom since…..the last time it did.
        You’re an evil genius and I salute you!

        • Why, sir, I’m sure I have no idea what you are saying.

          Seriously, I have always said that I am a practical atheist about any deity that might be held by any ordinary religion. I’ve been quite explicit about that. See here for example.

  3. Susan Silberstein Susan Silberstein

    Rescinded the offer already? I hadn’t even figured out how I was going to explain to my mother why I was leaving her.

  4. John, I would adopt you, but I warn you, you might have more better asset to debt ratio than I. 🙂

    • John S. Wilkins John S. Wilkins

      My very deepest condolences. When did you lose the lectureship and all your possessions?

      • Nobody ever paid me my lectures. Creditors and burglars have no interest in taking my possessions.

        • Sorry James; I was mixing you up with James McGrath, who is a lecturer in religion at Butler. I take it back. You may be as penurious as I am.

  5. John, I suspect you are angling for a job as Atheist Adoption Consultant here. Good idea!

    • Coming soon: AtheistMatch, an online service where believers and atheists can meet up and transfer money and adoption papers. The service takes a very reasonable 5% or upfront fee of $2000.

  6. Ian H Spedding FCD Ian H Spedding FCD

    This whole thing makes atheists sound like animals in a shelter waiting for some kind-hearted person to come along and take them to their “forever home”.

    What will we see next, websites with pics of cute and adorable-looking atheists?

    This may be a problem because, having seen many prominent atheists, I can think of many words to describe them but “cute” isn’t one of them.

    • Are you saying I’m not cute? Because I may have to come around and show you how cute I am!

    • Aquaria Aquaria

      Actually, it sounds like those desperate and deluded moms who keep trying to fix up their gay sons with every available female they can, because they’re sure that, deep down, he’s actually straight, and this interest in men is “just a phase.”

      • If there’s money in it, I’m for it. Atheist, remember? No moral compass…

  7. John S. Wilkins:
    . The service takes a very reasonable 5% or upfront fee of $2000.

    Not to be trusted! Any trustworthy agency what take an at least 10% fee plus 5% to cover cost. You low fee means it has to be a scam.

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