Evolving Thoughts

So, if the critics of the mosque in NY are correct, that we should not put a religious institution near a place where anyone even remotely connected with that religion may have committed an act that leads to a place being thought “sacred”, where can we put one?

I did some extensive research and decided that there is a function: location on planet × degree of sacredness. This determines where some person thinks that a religious institution-free zone must be. After much research (about ten seconds’ worth, which is much more than this debate seems to warrant or get), I came up with the following map:

The unshaded areas are where religious institutions may be built without upsetting someone’s sensibilities as to what counts as sacred ground. I therefore propose that all religious institutions immediately be moved to the following regions:

North America – somewhere in Idaho, or around Baffen Bay

South America – central Amazon, high in the Andes, or Tierra Del Fuego

Mesoamerica – nowhere. You’re screwed. You have to worship in Canada.

Europe – Northern Finland.

Africa – central Sahara, maybe. The information is spotty here, so the entire continent may be Verboten. The Kalahari may also be out.

Australia – either the Nullabor Plain, or southern New Zealand.

New Zealand – southern tip of the south Island.

Asia – northern parts of Siberia, or the center of the Caspian Sea, midway between Turkmenistan and Azerbaijan.

Most of the Pacific is okay.

Antarctica is fine; anywhere there except Mawson Hut, which is sacred to Australians, and the Wilkins Ice Shelf, which is sacred to me.

So, I propose that we immediately move all religious institutions to one of these regions immediately, so as to not offend anybody’s sense of what is sacred.